The uncertain journey with a jagged road

Forrest Shapwaykeesic Contributor

My name is Forrest Rain Shapwaykeesic. This story is about my journey to get my high school diploma.

My family and I grew up in Thunder Bay Ontario. Our family moved all the time, from house to house, school to school. Although my mother quit drinking when we were young, our home life was still not a simple one. I am the youngest sibling of three older sisters.

When I failed Grade 1 I was told I had a learning disability. And since then, I’ve struggled through school. Words like, “dumb and stupid” were part of a daily vocabulary to me.

By Grade 9, they diagnosed me with dyslexia. In order to read books I had to place a purple film over the pages to see the words properly.

In high school my mother worked out of town. My youngest sister and I had the task of raising our young nephew. We were alone most of the time and we fought often in those days, sometimes even over food. During these trying times I turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain I felt in my life. When the anger was too great I learned that self mutilation would often relieve the hurtful feelings inside me. This became my coping method, which then became another addiction.

Forrest shows his diploma. The tattoo on his left arm translates into Shapwaykeesic.

Original artwork created in Photoshop.

Again I changed schools when my mother moved my nephew and I to Grand Portage Minnesota.

My troubles didn’t improve, at one point I was admitted to a mental hospital in Duluth for trying to hurt myself during a drinking binge. After a few days with those “crazies” I was released.

It wasn’t long before I moved yet again. I moved back to Thunder Bay to live with a sister, then with a friend and even in Sioux Lookout for a while. At the beginning of the next semester I went to live with my oldest sister in Dryden to help with the kids. I was in Grade 11 by this time and was being funded by my band to go to school.

My studies continued to frustrate me. Grade 11 math was hard and I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class. Soon I was skipping classes then eventually just stopped going.

In the first semester my room and board was cut off. In the New Year I found a job working as a gas station attendant.  Later, I was kicked out of the house and found myself looking for a place to live in the middle of winter. I eventually rented a house with two friends. We agreed to split the bills. In order to pay for my part, I quit school and started working full time at the gas station.

As the years passed I continued to move around. In a dramatic turn of events I left Dryden and had to leave all of my possessions behind.

I moved to Duluth and worked at Fond-Du-Luth Casino. During this time I continued to drink and do drugs. Although I still struggled with money, I had a job and had made some good friends.

Then suddenly after two-and-a-half years, I was let go at work and couldn’t pay my rent. Without my high school diploma the only job I could hope for was working at a fast food restaurant. Even then I couldn’t find a job.

Having nowhere to turn, my youngest sister took me in to live with her in a bachelor apt. back in Thunder Bay. We took all we could carry in a small 2-door car. All that I had rebuilt in the last two-and-a-half years was lost again.

When I came back to Thunder Bay I began learning about being positive and learned to feel good about myself. I realized that I needed to set some real goals for myself. One of my goals was to get my Grade 12 diploma. I stopped excessive drinking and quit drugs. With the support of my sister and the clarity to chase a dream I started to attend Lakehead Adult Education Centre, which offers programming for those who wish to finish their high school diploma outside of the regular high school system.  

Surrounded by positive supporters and with the help of the people around me, the challenges of school were obstacles I could overcome. I spent hours working on homework at the apartment, and when nobody was around to help with a question, I looked on YouTube for answers with math.

During this time I joined a gym and started working out. I ate better and started to feel better.

There were other activities such as softball that I participated in. When there was paying work, I’d do different jobs and began learning different trades. My hobbies then included learning Photoshop and making all kinds of photo manipulations.

As I let go of the past, I began to live in the present and plan for the future. I stopped hurting myself completely.

Six months after returning to my hometown I completed the final credits for my high school diploma. On December 18th, 2009 I became a high school graduate at the age of 27. I made it to my goal.

I’m now setting new goals. With my own apartment, I’m building up my life again. College, career, travel and family are all the things I look forward to in my life. Now that I made it to the first goal, I know I can make them all.

Forrest is an Eabematoong First Nation member

Another one of Forrest’s hobbies is creating different style’s of aircraft made with only paper and tape.