Martha’s Story

Dear Friend,

My life after I quit prescription drugs has been a rocky road because at times I have used alcohol as a substitute, which is wrong. Alcohol has always been a backup for everything because it’s easier and cheaper to get.

I’ve been working hard to change my way of living for my daughter. I went back to school to get my education at the Red Lake District Adult Learning Centre a few years back,  now I only need to get my Grade 12 English, which is my last course. I want my daughter, who will be turning seven in February 2010, to know the importance of education and that the more education you have the more choices there are especially as she gets older.

I also recently secured an internship at a women’s shelter in Red Lake, Ont.

I have to keep busy all the time or I’ll get depressed and I’ll start thinking about the past which has always been a trigger for most of my using; I’ve been through sexual assault, grief, self mutilation and panic attacks. I live with those feelings and memories everyday of my life. It gets pretty annoying and depressing. To tell you the truth... I still would never trade my life for a better one because it has made me the person that I am today, which is hopeful.

Now by telling my story I’m hoping that it will give one person hope that maybe they are not alone; that there are a lot of people out there who are willing to help. But you have to be a person willing to accept help. It will be very hard at first when leaving behind a life involved with prescription drugs: I have suffered a relapse in the past and though I regret it I got back up again.

Most things in life don’t change: you have to work around the bad situations, yet there are good moments. I continue to work on my way of thinking by being positive and by realising that there are consequences to every action on my journey to a sober life. I’ve lost friends but gained good ones who support me in conquering my addictions. I am also seeing a mental health worker in Balmertown as part of my healing journey.

At times I get really aggravated by every little thing. Just imagine quitting smoking and multiply that by 200. I still get cravings and my stomach still does flip flops, my palms sweat and  my heart palpitates and trembles simply when I hear about prescription drugs.

Whenever this happens to me I try to change my thoughts and busy myself by talking with friends or family members. The single most important thing that has helped me ignore my cravings is knowing that I am creating a safe and stable environment for my daughter. My daughter is everything to me. She keeps me going everyday. She loves to draw and write notes to her friends. When I feel down I write down my thoughts and burn them afterward with a little prayer of hope and I give thanks for a brighter future.  

Martha